篇一：黄西在美国白宫晚宴上的脱口秀
黄西在美国记者年会晚宴上的表演（中英文解读）
Joe Wong at RTCA Dinner 2010 With Chinese Commentary
黄西是一名从中国大陆到美国的留学生，除了他专业的研究工作外，他还是最近美国新兴的一名脱口秀艺人。2009年，他因参加美国深夜节目收视率冠军的“大卫赖特曼秀”一炮而红。他独特的幽默方式在youtube上广受欢迎。本文是他在美国"电台电视记者协会"白宫年会上的表演片段。
Good evening, everyone. My name is Joe Wong. But to most people, I am known as "Who?" [Laughter] "Hu" is actually my mother's maiden name, [Laughter] and the answer to my credit card security question. [Laughter]
各位晚上好，我是Joe Wong（黄西）。但是对很多人来说，听到我的名字，会问“谁”?（看他的滑稽表情，观众笑），Who（同音“Hu”）恰恰是我妈的娘家姓（观众笑），也是我信用卡安全问题的答案。（和很多网站注册一样，美国的信用卡也会设置安全问题，比如“你妈妈姓什么”，“你家小狗叫什么”）
But joking aside, I just want to reassure everybody that I am invited here tonight. [Laughter] 但是玩笑归玩笑，我想让大家放心我今晚的确是受到邀请来的。（观众笑，这里是隐指Salah夫妇闯入白宫欢迎晚宴的新闻，大家可以搜索Michaele and Tareq Salahi）
I grew up in China. Who wouldn't? [Laughter]
我在中国长大。谁不是呢？（观众笑，这是用自己的自大讽刺美国人的自大）
As my childhood memories are totally ruined by my childhood. [Laughter] When I was in elementary school, as part of the curriculum, I have to worked at a rice paddy, right next to a quarry where they use explosives to break rocks. And that is where I learned that light travels faster than sound, [Laughter] which is almost as slow as a flying rock. [Laughter]
而我童年的所有记忆都被我的童年给毁了。（观众笑，思路怪异）读小学的时候，作为课程的一部分，我要去稻田里劳动，稻田的旁边是一个采石场，他们用炸药炸石头。也就是在那里，我知道了光的传播速度要比声音快（观众笑），而声音的速度就和石头飞的速度差不多慢。（观众笑）
(本文来自：WwW.xiaOCaofAnweN.Com 小草范文 网:美式脱口秀在中国)My dad was a grumpy guy, but occasionally he would tried to cheer me up with jokes. But he doesn't do it right. When I was seven, one day he said to me, "Hi, son, why is tofu better than centralized socialist economy?" [Laughter] So, five minutes later, I said, "Why?"
[Laughter] He said, "Because I said so!" [Laughter]
我爸爸是个脾气很怪的人，但偶尔他也想用笑话来逗我玩儿。可是他又做不好。我七岁的时候，有一天他问我，“嘿，儿子，你说为什么豆腐比社会主义计划经济要好？”（观众笑，风马牛不相及）我想了五分钟，然后问他“为什么呢？”（观众笑），他说“因为我说好就是好！”（观众笑，笑点在于：豆腐，计划经济以及极端的父权。豆腐和经济放在一起本来就没有可比性，就好像这种“我说了算”的父权也根本不可理喻，让人又好气又好笑）
I came to the United States when I was 24, to study at Rice University in Texas. [Applause] That wasn't a joke, [Laughter] until now. [Laughter]
我24岁的时候来到美国，在Texas的Rice University求学。（观众鼓掌。）这不是个笑话（观众笑），不过现在是了。（观众笑）
And I was driving that a used car with a lot of bumper stickers that are impossible to peel off. And one of them said, "If you don't speak English, go home!" [Laughter] And I didn't notice it for two years. [Laughter]
我当时开了辆二手车，保险杠上贴了好多贴纸（就类似我们的“熊出没注意”那种），贴的很牢，就根本不可能撕下来。其中一张写着“如果你不说英文，就滚回家去”。（观众笑，这句话有歧视外来移民的意味）而我两年后才看到它。（观众笑）
And like many other immigrants, we wanted our son to become the president of this country. And we try to make him bilingual, you know, Chinese at home and English in the public. Which is really a tough to do, because many times I had to say to him in public, "Hi, listen, if you don't speak English, go home!" [Laughter]
和很多其他的移民一样，我们都希望自己的儿子能成为这个国家的总统。于是我们努力让他们说两种语言，在家说中文，在外说英文。但操作起来其实挺困难，很多时候我不得不在公共场合对他说：“嘿，听着，如果你不说英文，就滚回家去。”（观众笑，这里说明了该句子是一种教训儿子的口气）
And he was said to me, "Hi, Dad, Why do I have to learn two languages?" I said, "Son, once you become the president of the Unite States, you will have to sign legislative bills in English, and talk to debt collectors in Chinese!" [Laughter][Applause]
然后他问我：“爸爸，为什么我要学两个语言呢？”我就跟他说：“儿子，一旦有一天你成了美国总统，你就必须要用英文来签署法案，还要用中文跟讨债的对话。”（观众狂笑，并鼓掌；中国当前是美国的最大债主。）
When I graduated from Rice, I decided to stay in the Unite States, because in China I can't do the thing I do best here, being ethnic. [Laughter]
从Rice毕业后，我决定留在美国。因为在中国，我不可能有在这里干的最好的角色——一个少数民族。 And in order for me to become a US citizen, I had to take those American history lessons, where they ask questions like: Who's Benjamin Franklin? We were like, "Ahh.., the reason our convenient store gets robbed?" [Laughter]
我为了成为一名美国公民，必须要上美国历史课，会被问到诸如“是谁Benjamin Franklin？”我就想：“呃，莫非就是我们便利店遭到抢劫的原因？”（观众大笑，百元美钞上印着Benjamin Franklin的头像。）
What's the second Amendment? We were like, "Ahh.., the reason our convenient store gets robbed?"
[Laughter][Applause]
“什么是第二修正案？”我就想：“呃，莫非就是我们便利店遭到抢劫的原因？”（观众狂笑，第二修正案保障了人民的持枪权利）
What is Roe vs Wade? We were like, "Ahh& , two ways of coming to the Unite States?"
[Laughter][Applause]
“Roe vs. Wade是什么？”“呃！两种来美国的途径？”（Roe vs.Wade是美最高法院关于堕胎的经典案例。他在这里则是说那些偷渡到美国的人，要不就是通过row a boat（划船，和人名Roe同音）,要不就是靠游到河对岸（wade是跋涉的意思））
Later on, I read so much about American history that I started to harbor white guilt. [Laughter] 后来我读了很多的美国历史，以至于我都开始充满了白人罪恶感。（white guilt是指白人因为奴役黑人的历史而产生的负罪感。）
And in America, they say that all men are created equal, but after birth, it kind of depends on their parents' income for early education and healthcare. [Applause]
在美国，大家都说人人生而平等。但是出生后，或多或少要取决于父母收入，才能提供你的早期教育和医疗保障。（观众认同的笑）
I read in the Men's Health magazine that president Obama every week has two cardio days and 4 weight lifting days. You see, I don't have to exercise because I have health insurance.
[Laughter]
我在男人健康杂志里看到，奥巴马总统每周有两次有氧锻炼，四次举重锻炼。你们看，我根本不需要锻炼，因为我有健康保险。（这里说医保体系给人慵懒意识）
I live in Massachusetts now, where we had universal healthcare then we elected Scott Brown.
[Laughter] Talk about mixed messages! [Laughter] I think there was a movie about him. It's called "Kill Bill" [Laughter]
我现在住在麻省，我们有全面的医疗保险。然后我们选了Scott Brown当州长。哦，有歧义。我想有一部电影是关于他的，那就是《杀死比尔》（Kill Bill）。（bill在英文里有议案的意思，这里讽刺这名州长极力反对Obama的医保改革方案。）
I'm honored to eh.. meet vice president Joe Biden here tonight. em, I actually read
autobiography of you, and today I see you. I think the book is much better. [Laughter][Applause] They should have cast Brad Pitt, you know, or even Angelina Jolie. [Laughter]
我很荣幸今晚能见到副总统Joe Biden。事实上，我曾经读过你的自传。今天见到你了，我觉得书（比本人）要好的多（然后镜头就给了副总统，副总统笑的哈开心），他们应该请布拉德·皮特来演，或者是安吉丽娜·茱莉（观众大笑）。
So, I, to be honest, was really honored to be here tonight, and I have prepared for months eh, for tonight show, and I showed the White House my jokes about President Obama, and that is why he decided not to come. [Laughter] And he decide to talk about immigration reforms.
[Laughter] Take that Stephen Colbert! [Laughter]
坦率的说，我真的非常荣幸今天能应邀来到这里。为了今晚的节目我也准备了好几个月了。我还把关于奥巴马总统的笑话给白宫看，于是奥巴马总统就决定不出席今天的晚会了。他还决定要讨论移民政策改革了。Stephen Colbert, 给他记上。（Steve是专攻政治人物的政治评论家、主持人，总统总是拿他没办法）
And President Obama has always been accused of being too soft, but he was conducting two wars, and they still gave him the Nobel Peace Prize. and he accepted it. [Laughter] You can't be more badass than that. [Laughter][Applause] Well, actually, I'm thinking, the only way you can more badass than that, is if you take the Nobel Peace Prize money and give it to the military.
[Laughter]
奥巴马总统经常被指责为过于软弱。但是他正指挥着两场战争，并且他们还是授予他诺贝尔和平奖。而他也竟然接受了（观众大笑）。怎么可能有比这更操蛋的事情（观众大笑）。嗯，其实，我想，唯一可能比这个更操蛋的，就是你接受了诺贝尔和平奖的奖金，然后把它们送给军队。
We have many distinguished journalists here tonight, whom I consider as my peers. [Laughter] Because I used to write for the campus newspaper. [Laughter] I think journalism is the last refuge for puns. [Laughter] Only on a newspaper can you see just like, "I was born in the year of the horse, and that's why I'm a neigh-sayer(nay-sayer)." [Laughter] My point exactly.
[Laughter]
我们这里坐着很多杰出的新闻记者，我把你们看作是我的同行（也有贵族的意思，观众笑）。因为我曾经也给学校的报纸写过文章。我觉得新闻业是双关语最后的阵地了。因为只有在报纸上你才能看到类似于“我是属马的，所以你知道为什么我总是像马一样叫（唱反调）。”（美国人形容马叫的象声词是neigh，发音和nay一样，nay-sayer是总要唱反调的人）我表达的很准确。（观众笑）
And tonight is my first time on C-SPAN, which is a channel I obvious always watch when I couldn't stand the sensationalism and demagoguery of PBS and QVC. [Laughter] If I can't still fall asleep after watching C-SPAN, [Laughter] there are C-SPAN2 and C-SPAN3. [Laughter][Applause] Thank you very much! [Laughter][Applause]
今晚是我第一次出现在C-span频道，通常当我无法忍受PBS和QVC的鼓吹与煽动时我就会看这个频道（PBS的节目以主观著称，QVC则是购物频道）。如果我看了C-span还是睡不着，那还有C-span 2套和3套（C-span频道是国会辩论转播频道）。非常感谢！
So, I became a US citizen in 2008, eh, which I am really happy about.[Applause] oh, Thank you very much! eh. [Applause] America is number one! [Laughter] That's true! cause we won the World Series every year! [Laughter]
2008年，我正式成为了美国公民，为此我感到很高兴。（下面观众鼓掌）谢谢。美国是最牛的。这是真的，因为我们每年会赢世界职业棒球大赛（只有美国、加拿大的球队参加。）
After becoming a US citizen, and I immediately registered to vote for Obama and Biden. You are welcome. [Laughter] You had me at "Guess we can". [Laughter] That was their slogan.
[Laughter]
成为美国公民之后，我立刻就登记了大选，并投给了奥巴马和拜登。（他回头看着拜登，对拜登说）不用谢。你们的口号“猜想我们可以”征服了我。（观众笑）这是他们的口号。（观众大笑，此处故意将“Yes We Can”混淆成了“Guess We Can”。）
So, after getting Obama-Biden elected, I felt this power trip. [Laughter] and I started to think maybe I should run for president myself.
在奥巴马和拜登当选后，我感受到了权力的魅力。（观众笑）于是我就开始想，或许我也应该去竞选总统。
Well, I have to take a step back and explain a little bit. Because I had always been a morose and pessimistic guy. I feel that life is a kind of like pee into the snow in a dark winter night. You probably made a difference, but it's really hard to tell. [Laughter]
好吧，我多解释一下。我其实一直是一个忧郁并且悲观的人。我觉得生活就像是在漆黑的冬夜里往雪地上撒尿。你可能确实做得不一样，但你真的很难说出来。（观众大笑）
But now we have a president who is half black half white. That just gives me a lot of hope, because I am half not black half not white. [Laughter] Two negatives make a positive. [Laughter] 但是现在我们有了一位半黑半白的总统。这给了我很大的希望。因为我一半不黑一半也不白。双重否定更加肯定。（观众大笑，Obama母亲是白人，父亲是黑人移民）
You may be saying, hi, what would be your campaign slogan? You see, I spent 10 years in the past decade. [Laughter] Oh, you too? ok. [Laughter] So, I understand that American people are suffering. So, my campaign slogan will be, "Who cares?" (Hu Cares) [Laughter]
你或许会问：“嘿，那你的竞选口号是什么？”你看，过去的90年代里我度过了10年。什么，你也是？好吧。所以我很理解美国人所经历的痛苦。所以，我的竞选口号将会是“Hu Cares”（此处又是Who-Hu的谐音，Hu Cares：“胡关心你”Who Cares：“谁在乎你”。）
If elected, I will make same sex marriage not only legal, but required! [Laughter] 如果我当选，我不但会让同性恋结婚合法，还会让它必须。（观众笑）
That will give me the youth vote. [Laughter] You see I'm married now, but I used to be really scared about marriage. I was like, "Wow! 50% of all marriages end up lasting forever!"
[Laughter]
这会帮助我赢得年轻人的选票。你看我已经结婚了。但我过去对婚姻是非常恐惧的。我想：“哇，50％的婚姻结局是大家要在一起一辈子。”
And I will eliminate unemployment in this country by reducing the productivity of the American workforce. [Laughter] So, two people will have to do the work of one, just like the president and the vice president, [Laughter] or the Olson twins. [Laughter]
我也会通过降低美国工人的生产率来消灭这个国家的失业。所以必须让两个人做一个人能做的事，就好像总统与副总统，又或者是Olsen姐妹（她们是双胞胎，一起演真人秀，一起设计服装）。
And despite heart diseases and cancer, most Americans die of natural causes. So if elected, I will find a cure for natural causes. [Laughter] You seem to like that one. [Laughter] But you won't be covered by health insurance, you know. [Laughter] because of pre-existing conditions. [Laughter]
除去心脏病和癌症的因素，大多数美国人是自然死亡的。所以如果我当选，我会找出一种治愈自然死亡的疗法。你们看上去很喜欢这个。但是你们将不可能享受医疗保险，因为先前条款。（观众大笑）
篇二：英汉对照-黄西(Joe Wong)脱口秀演讲 ,看美式幽默和美国人的包容
从黄西（Joe Wong）脱口秀演讲 ，看美式幽默和美国人的包容 黄西（Joe Wong），曾在中国科学院攻读硕士，后获得德克萨斯州莱斯大学博士学位，全职工作从事科学研究。美国深夜节目收视率冠军的“大卫赖特曼秀”，2009年4月17日晚上破天荒邀请中国口音极重的黄西(Joe Wong)亮相，以英语讲美式笑话，近六分钟的演出，观众反应热烈。黄西一炮而红。
美式幽默强调的是是双关语的巧用，前后文包袱的对接，还有对现在问题的嘲讽，joe wang的幽默在于每个段子简短但是需要观众思考并且前后的段子对接起来就了不起了，很连贯。
黄西脱口秀视频精选全集2011-12-08
一个来自中国的生化博士，居然能在美国破天荒靠讲笑话脱口秀成为一名笑星，不得不令人佩服！用黄西自己的话说就是“他在美国比中国唯一的好处就是浑身散发着异域的光芒。”你是笑星黄西的粉丝吗？
黄西（Joe Wong）在2010年美国记者年会上的脱口秀视频
黄西 Joe Wong on the Late Show视频(字幕版
黄西“人生大不同”复旦公益演讲视频
黄西Joe Wong在美国Ellen Show讲笑话视频
2011ZhenPitch-特别嘉宾黄西即兴脱口秀视频
黄西 Joe Wong 再度登上“Late Show”视频(双语字幕
美国的著名脱口秀节目主持人Ellen Degeneres 毕业演讲
Joe Wong(黄西)在美国记者年会上的脱口秀(very funny)
2010-03-31
Good evening everyone, my name is Joe Wong. But to most people, I am known as "Who?" which is actually my mother's maiden name and the answer to my credit card security question.
各位晚上好，我是Joe Wong（黄西）。但是对你们中的很多人来说，听到我的名字，你们会问“谁啊？”（注意看他说这句话时侯的表情），who（同音“胡”）恰恰是我妈妈出嫁前的姓，这也是我信用卡密码问题的答案。（和很多网站注册一样，美国的信用卡也会设置密码问题，比如“你妈妈姓什么”，“你家小狗叫什么”）
But joking aside I just want to reassure everybody that I AM invited here tonight. 但是玩笑归玩笑，我想要提醒大家我的确是受到邀请而来的（他重读了I am的am）（这里是讽刺Salah的夫妇闯入白宫晚宴的新闻，大家可以搜索Michaele and Tareq Salahi）
I grew up in China. Who didn't? And my childhood memories are totally ruined by my childhood. When I was in elementary school, as part of the curriculum, I had to work in a rice paddy right next to a quarry where they use explosives to break rocks. And that was when I learned light travels faster than sound, which is almost as slow as a flying rock. My dad was a grumpy guy, but occasionally he would cheer me up with jokes. But he doesn't do it right. When I was seven one day he said to me, "Hey, son, why is tofu better than centralized socialist economy?" So five minutes later I said
"why?" He said because I said so!
我从小在中国长大。谁不是呢？（这是讽刺美国人的自大，以为世界只有一个美国）而我童年的所有记忆都被我的童年给毁了。（这句话可能是和后面的炸药玩笑有关）读小学的时侯，作为课程的一部分，我不得不去一个稻田里劳动，这稻田的旁边就是一个采石场，在那里他们用炸药来炸开石头。也就是在那个时侯，我知道了光的传播速度要比声音快，声音的速度就和石头飞的速度差不多慢。我爸爸是的脾气很暴躁，但是有些时侯他会用笑话来鼓励我。可是他的表达方式有问题。当我还是七岁的时侯，有一天他对我说，“嘿，儿子，为什么豆腐比社会主义计划经济要好？”我想了五分钟，然后问他“为什么呢？”，他说“因为我说好就是好！”（这段笑点在：豆腐，计划经济，极端的父权。豆腐和经济放在一起本来就没有可比性，就好像这种“我说了算”的父权也很不可理喻，让人又好气又好笑）
I came to the United States in, when I was twenty four to study at Rice University in Texas. That wasn't a joke, until now.
我24岁的时侯来到美国，在 Texas的Rice University求学。（下面的观众在笑。）我不是在讲笑话，不过现在是了。
And I was driving this used car that had a lot of bump stickers that were impossible to peel off. One of them said "If you don't speak English, go home". And I didn't know this for two years.
我当时开了辆二手车，保险杠上贴了好多贴纸（就类似于我们贴的“注意有熊出没”那种），那些贴纸贴的很牢，根本没可能撕下来。其中一张写着“如果你不会说英文，那就回家去”。而我连着两年都没看懂这句话。
And like many other immigrants, we all want our son to the become the president of this country and we are trying to make him bilingual, you know, Chinese at home, English in the public, which is really tough to do because many times I have to say to him in public, "hey, listen, if you don't speak English, go home." And he would say to me, "hey dad, why do I have to learn two languages?" I said， "son, once you become the president of the United State, you are gonna have to sign the legislative bills in English, and talk to debt collectors in Chinese."
和很多其他的移民一样，我们都希望自己的儿子能成为这个国家的总统，于是我们努力让他们说两种语言，在家说中文，在外说英文，真的操作起来其实挺困难，很多时侯我不得不对他说“嘿，听着，如果你不说英文，就给我回家去。”（这段对应了他上文说的汽车贴纸的笑话）我儿子总是会问我“爸爸，为什么我一定要说两种语言呢？”我告诉他：“儿子，一旦有一天你成为了美国总统，你就必须要用英文来签署立法议案，然后用中文跟债主们讨论债务问题。”
（这段经地主大人提醒：讲到用中文讨论债务时，你看底下美国人反应并不剧烈，只有部分人狂笑，因为美国人压根儿不知道，中国是他们的大债主。）
When I graduated from Rice, I decided to stay in the United States because in China, I can't do the thing I do best here, being ethnic. And in order for me to become a US citizen, I had to take these American history lessons, where they ask us questions like "Who is Benjamin Franklin?" I was like "Ah, the reason our convenience store gets robbed?" "What is the second amendment?" I was like "Ah, the reason our convenience store gets robbed?" "What is Roe versus Wade?" I was like "Ah, two ways of coming to the United States?" Later on, I read so much about American
history that I started to harbor white guilt.
从Rice毕业后，我决定留在美国，因为在中国，我做不到我在这里做的最好的事情--成为一名外来民族。而为了让我自己成为一名美国公民，我必须学习美国的历史，于是就有被问到诸如“谁是Benjamin Franklin?”我只能：“啊！这莫非就是我们便利店遭抢劫的原因？”（Benjamin Franklin的头像被印在百元美钞上。）“什么是第二修正案？”我只能：“啊！这莫非就是我们便利店遭抢劫的原因？”（第二修正案允许合法拥有枪支）“Roe vs. Wade是什么？”“啊！来到美国的两种途径？”（Roe vs.Wade是一个著名的堕胎官司，最高法院因此判定堕胎合法化。他在这里则是说那些偷渡到美国的人，要不就是通过row a boat（划船，和人名Roe同音）,要不就是靠游到河对岸（wade是跋涉的意思））后来了解了更多的美国历史，我开始为自己是白人而有了负罪感。（white guilt是指身为白人，因为种族偏见而有负罪感。但很明显他不是白人，他不应该会有这样的负罪感。） And in America they say that all men are created equal. But after birth, it kind of depends on parents' income for early education and health care. I read in the Men's Health magazine that President Obama, every week, has two cardio days and four weight lifting days. You see I don't have to excise, because I have health insurance. I live in Massachusetts now, where we have Universal Health Care. Then we elected Scott Brown. Talk about mixed messages. I think there was a movie about him. It's called Kill Bill.
在美国，大家都说人生来是平等的。但是出生后，那就取决于父母收入所能给予你的早期教育和健康医疗。我在Men's Health杂志里看到奥巴马总统每周有两次心脏检查，四次举重锻炼。你们看，我根本不需要锻炼，因为我有健康保险。（这是是在嘲讽美国的健康医疗体系）我现在住在马塞诸塞州，在那里我们有Universal Health Care（某种医疗保险）。然后我们选了Scott Brown做了州长，他反对现有的医疗制度。我想到了一部电影很适合他，就是《杀死比尔》（Kill Bill）。（bill在英文里有议案的意思，这里讽刺州长否决议案）
I am honored to meet Vice president Joe Biden here tonight. I actually read your autobiography. And today I see you. I think the book is much better. They should have
[cast] Brad Pitt, or even Angelina Jolie.
我很荣幸今晚能见到副总统Joe Biden。事实上，我曾经读过你的自传。今天见到你了，我觉得书写的比本人要好的多（然后镜头就给了副总统，副总统笑的哈开心）（后面提到了Brad Pitt和 Angelina Jolie，但当中那个单词cast不确定） So to be honest, I was really honored to be here tonight and I prepared for months for tonight show and I show the white house and the jokes about President Obama, that was when he decided not to come. And he started to talk about immigration reforms. Take that, Steven Colbert.
坦率的说，我真的很荣幸今天能来到这里，为了今晚的节目我也已经准备了好几个月了。我还把关于奥巴马总统的笑话呈给白宫看，于是奥巴马总统就在那一刻决定不出席今天的晚会。接着他就开始谈论移民改革了。Steven Colbert, 你看人家够狠吧。（Steve是专攻政治人物访谈的主持人，布什就对他很害怕，而奥巴马索性就不参加他的节目）
And President Obama has always been accused of being too soft. But he was conducting two wars, and they still gave him the Nobel Peace prize. And he accepted it. You can't be more badass than that. Well actually, I am thinking the only way you
can be more badass than that is if you take the Nobel Peace Prize money and give it to the military.
奥巴马总统被指责太过于软弱。尽管他正在发动两场战争，他还是获得了诺贝尔和平奖。而他也接受了。怎么可能有比这更混蛋的事情。好吧，事实上，我在想，唯一有可能比这个更混蛋的事情，就是你接受了诺贝尔和平奖的奖金，然后把它们派发给军队。
We have many distinguished journalists here, whom I consider as my peers because I used to write for campus newspaper. I think journalism is the last refuge for puns. Only on the newspaper can you say things like "I was born in the year of the horse, that is why I am a naysayer." My point exactly.
我们这里坐着很多出类拔萃的新闻记者，我把你们看作是我的同行，因为我曾经也为校刊写过文章。我觉得新闻业是双关语最后的避难所。只有在报纸上你才能说类似于“我出生在马年，这就是为什么我爱唱反调。”（美国人形容马叫的象声词是neigh，发音和nay一样，naysayer就是no sayer，总是说不，总是唱反调的人）这就是我要表达的意思。
And tonight is my first time on C-span, which is a channel I obviously always watch when I couldn't stand the sensationalism and demagoguery of PBS and QVC. If I still couldn't fall asleep after watching C-span, there is C-span 2 and C-span 3. Thank you very much.
今晚是我第一次来到C-span频道，通常当我无法忍受PBS和QVC的鼓吹与煽动时我就会选择看你们的频道（PBS的节目以主观著称，QVC则是购物频道，说这段的时侯镜头给了下面人一个特写，莫非是这两个频道的老板？）。如果我看了C-span还是睡不着，那还有C-span 2和C-span 3（C-span频道总是会转播一些无聊的国会辩论）。非常感谢！
So I became a US citizen in 2008, which I am really happy about. Thank you very much. America is number one. That is true because we won the World Series every year. [WS played between US baseball teams so US always wins. Great joke]
我在2008年成为了美国公民，为此我很高兴。（下面观众鼓掌）非常感谢。美国永远是老大。这句话是真的，因为我们每年会赢World Series（WS是美国垒球队比赛，参赛的都是美国球队，所以无论如何都是美国人赢。）
After becoming a US citizen, I immediately registered vote for Obama/Biden. （pause, turn to Biden） You are welcome.You had me at "Yes we can". That was their slogan. So after getting Obama/Biden elected, I felt this power trip. And I started to think maybe I should run for president myself. Well I have to take a step back and explain a little bit. You know, cause I had always been a morose and pessimistic guy. I felt that life is kind of like peeing into the snow in a dark winter night. You've probably made a difference but it is really hard to tell. But now we have a president who is half black and half white. It just gives me a lot of hope. Because I am half not black, half not white. Two negatives make a positive. You maybe say even "hey, what will be your campaign slogan?" You see, I spent 10 years in the past decade. Oh, you too? OK. So I understand that American people are suffering. So my campaign slogan will be "Who cares!"
成为美国公民后，我立刻登记了选票，把票投给而了奥巴马和拜登。（他回头看着拜登，对拜登说）不用谢。你们的口号"是的，我们可以"征服了我。这是他们
的口号。在奥巴马和拜登当选后，我感受到自己对权力的渴望。于是我开始想，或许我也可以竞选总统。好吧，我必须退回去解释一下。我其实一直是一个忧郁且悲观的人。我觉得生活就像是在漆黑的冬夜里往雪地上撒尿。你认为这么做有差别，但其实根本看不出来。但是现在我们有了一位半黑人血统半白人血统的总统。这给了我很大的希望。因为我一半不是黑人，一半不是白人。负负得正。你或许会问：“嘿，那你的竞选口号会是什么？”你看，我花了10年在过去10年里（decade和10 years都是10年的意思）。什么，你也是？好吧。所以我很理解美国人正经历的痛苦。所以，我的竞选口号将会是“胡在乎你！”（注意他发hu的时侯，故意读的像who一样，也就是who cares，“谁会在乎你”的意思） If elected, I will make same sex marriage not only legal but required. That will get me the youth vote. You see I am married now. I used to be really scared about marriage. I was like "wow, 50 percent of all marriages end up lasting forever."
如果我当选，我不但会把同性恋结婚合法化还会把它作为要求。这会帮助我赢得年轻人的选票。你们也知道我已经结婚了。我过去对婚姻是非常恐惧的。我会想：“哇噻，50％的婚姻结局是大家要一辈子在一起。”
And I will eliminated unemployment in this country by reducing the productivity of American work force. So two people will have to do the work of one, just like the president and the vice president, or the Olsen twins.
我也会通过降低美国的生产率来消灭这个国家的失业率。所以必须让两个人做一个人能做的事，就好像总统与副总统，又或者是Olsen姐妹（她们是双胞胎，一起演真人秀，一起设计服装）。
And despite heart disease and cancer, most Americans die of natural causes. So if elected, I will find a cure for natural causes. You seem to like that one, but it won't be covered by health insurance though, because of pre-existing conditions.
扣除心脏病和癌症，大多数美国人是自然死亡的。所以如果我当选，我就要找出一种治愈自然死亡的疗法。你们看上去很期待这个，但是你们的医疗保险可不能报销，因为这是在保险前就有的毛病。
And I have quick solution to global warming. If elected, I will switch form Fahrenheit to Celsius. It was 100 degrees before. Now it's forty. You are very welcome.
我还有解决全球变暖的特效措施。如果我当选了，我就把华氏改成摄氏。这样以前的100度就会变成40度。
And I am great with foreign policy. Because I am from China. And I can see Russia from my backyard. I believe that unilateralism is too expensive and open dialogue is too slow. So if elected, I will go with text messaging. I will text our allies just to say hi, and text our enemies whenever they are driving. OMG, you are making a nuclear weapon? But you are doing it wrong, LOL.
我也很擅长外交政策。因为我来自中国。我从我家后院就看得到俄罗斯（这里讽刺Sarah Palin曾经说"我从我家门廊就看得到俄罗斯"）。我认为单边主义代价太高，公开对话效率太低。如果我当选，我会选择发送短信。我会发短信给我的联盟说 hi, 我会在敌人开车的时侯发消息给他们。OMG, 听说你们在造核武器？但是你们的做法不对，LOL（OMG和LOL都是短信流行用语, OMG是Oh My God, LOL是Laugh Out Loud）。
2010年3月的年会上，作为唯一受邀的谐星为总统和全国的媒体代表们表
篇三：中美脱口秀节目幽默文化的比较研究
中、美脱口秀节目幽默文化的比较研究
【摘要】：脱口秀，如今已成为人们喜闻乐见的电视娱乐节目。幽默，是脱口秀娱乐节目广泛运用的核心元素。中、美两国的脱口秀都十分注重凸显节目的幽默娱乐效果。那么，中、美两国各自的脱口秀节目中所体现出的幽默文化有什么区别？是否具有各自鲜明突出的幽默精神特征？笔者将按照提出假设——选择样本——分析样本——得出结论——原因推测这一研究思路，对中、美两国脱口秀节目表现出的幽默文化进行比较研究。
【关键词】：脱口秀 幽默 喜剧效果 文化基因 全球化 【正文】：
一、研究背景：
脱口秀，是英语词组“talk show”的音译词，诞生于美国。所谓脱口秀节目，通常是指主持人在现场围绕某一个主题即兴表达自己的意见看法，与观众进行即时交流。脱口秀节目发展至今，已有其自身较为成熟的节目形式。一般而言，脱口秀节目分为评论类与访谈类两大类别。
美国的脱口秀节目起步于 20 世纪 30 年代，80 年代成为主流节目形式， 其中不乏长期存在的名牌节目，美国喜剧中心频道播出的《the daily show》和CBS推出 的《大卫深夜秀》（Late show with David Letterman） 作为美国脱口秀节目的代表，以其犀利的语言表达与美国式幽默成为最具影响力的经典娱乐节目。笔者注意到，在美国脱口秀节目中，幽默文化作为极其重要的因素被广泛运用在节目中，脱口秀节目主持人娴熟地利用幽默的语言表达来营造生动有趣的谈话氛围，传递给观众的不是枯燥繁琐的说教评论，而是一份简单快乐的思想交流。广大观众乐于为这份“快乐”买单的行为，直接铸就了美国脱口秀节目的辉煌成就。相对于美国脱口秀节目的悠久历史，中国的脱口秀则起步较晚。自1996年中国第一档访谈类脱口秀节目《实话实说》推出以来，中国的脱口秀节目在十年发展的浪涛里，已经出现了诸如《快乐大本营》、《天天向上》、《壹周·立波秀》等为广大受众熟知和喜爱的优秀作品。其中，2009年推出的《壹周·立波秀》更是以其独树一帜的幽默风格迅速上位，成为当下最炙手可热的脱口秀娱乐节目。通过宏观对比不难发现，幽默文化因素的运用是中美两国脱口秀节目成功的制胜法宝。那么，中美两国脱口秀节目中的幽默文化各自具有什么特点？两国脱口秀节目中幽默文化的表现形式与精神内核区别在哪里？是笔者将要研究回答的问题。
二、提出假设：（这部分可以融合在结论部分，或者融合在比较分析部分）
本次研究的目的是比较中美脱口秀节目中的幽默文化，笔者从议题出发，提出如下几点研究假设：
1、中、美两国脱口秀节目中的幽默要素有：主持人的面部表情，主持人的肢体动作，主持人的语言表述，节目的话题设置，节目的现场设置五大元素。
2、主持人是脱口秀节目中最为重要的幽默元素。
3、美国脱口秀节目中引发幽默效果的话题可以涉及政治、政策；中国脱口秀节目中引发幽默效果的话题不会涉及政治、政策。
4、美国脱口秀节目中的幽默精神特点为：“外溢型”幽默。主要特点：不拘小节，自由随意，擅长运用肢体语言、夸张的面部表情来表现喜剧效果；语言措词简洁明了，轻松易懂，
直观反映生活中饶有情趣的方方面面。
5、中国脱口秀节目中的幽默精神特点为：“内在型”幽默。主要特点：严肃沉稳，内敛含蓄，言谈举止彬彬有礼，不常运用夸张的动作与表情来营造喜剧效果；语言措词尖锐、犀利，多通过讽刺型的言语，间接揭示自身对生活现象的思考来感染受众。
三、选择样本（这里与文章开头融合）
为达到这次研究的目的，笔者选取了中美两国两个脱口秀娱乐节目作为此次研究的样本案例。
美国脱口秀节目——《the daily show》（囧司徒每日秀）。该节目在1996年9月1日于美国喜剧中心频道首播，由jon·steward担纲节目主持，发展至今已有16年历史，是美国影响力最大的喜剧脱口秀之一。
中国脱口秀节目——《壹周·立波秀》。该节目由东方卫视和凤凰卫视联手打造，在五· 一、国庆与春节期间连续一周播出。节目主持由海派青口创始人周立波先生担任，自播出以来，赢得口碑与收视双丰收的好成绩，迅速成为国内最炙手可热的喜剧脱口秀。
四、样本分析（不要用表格形式，如果是要发表论文的话，建议要整理为直接的文本阐述和分析就可以，去掉图片，注意层次和逻辑）
笔者将《the daily show》与《壹周·立波秀》作为研究的样本，分别选取了两类节目中的4期进行观察比对，得出以下样本案例的分析结果：