篇一：英语单人脱口秀台词
talk show script
m:hello, everyone! my name is li xx.(have a seat, please!)thank you!h:so, your daughter is a junior college student, right?
h:did your daughter studied very hard and have a higher mark before?
m:yeah, she loves study since she was a child, she study harder than any else of her classmates.
h:does she like to do so or being force to study?
m:she developed this habit since she was a child.
h:you mean study hard is her real mind?(yeah)and she changed her mind suddenly?(yeah) did she mentioned she want to give up the exam before?
m:yes, of course. she told me she wanted to get more qualifications in the future. but i don’t know why! she just told it suddenly! i can’t understand!h:more details?
h:did she make up before?
m;never. she never made up at home.
h:ok, what happened on the daughter and made her have so much attitude change towards the top-up exam? we’d better ask the daughter herself. please look the vcr.d: hello, everyone! (have a seat, please.) thank you!
h: you haven’t called your mother for a long time, right? (yeah) do you know your mom worried about you a lot?
d: i’m...i’m sorry.
m: i’m so disappointed. you don’t go to school, you wear heavy make-up......h: (to m) i want to explain that lily looks nature and without make-up in order to see you. (to d) did you mean to consider about your mom by doing that?
d: yes, i dare not wear high heel shoes, dare not have heavy make-up. this is what i look like when i stay with my mom.
h: but why didn’t you tell your mother you have moved to your rented house?m: as a student, you don’t stay at school instead of live outside, do you think it’s reasonable? (angry)
d: you have never thought about my feelings, every time i bought by clothes, you will say that don’t suit me and ask me don’t wear that clothes. when all my peers have the rights to decide what
h: we have heard that you did some part time job after school? d: yes, i want learn more, i don’t like my major, my mom choose it for me.
m: i’m for your good, you know. we have the ability to give you what you want to, you just need to tell me. and study hard, i don’t want you to do the job has any relationship with your major. e: so, miss li. your daughter just wants to be more independent, this is a good thing. am i right? may be her mother think that she is just a 20-years-old student, but i think lily is a 20-years-old girl, she should have a colorful and wonderful life experience instead of live as the her mother want her to live, that will give lily much pressure, maybe she want relax herself by living outside and make decision by herself. am i right? lily?
m: but she never told me she don’t want to do so.(委屈） e: that is because you give her so much pressure.
m: but i don’t think i have given her any pressure, she was doing what she wanted to do! she needn’t to pretend to be so for 20 years!
e: i think your daughter tried to express herself, but her idea was opposed again and again. at last, she is not willing to try any more. for example, she bought a simple cloth, but when she came back home, you don’t agree with her taste and want her to wear what you like. what’s the biggest feature of an adolescent? rebellion. you ask them to do this, they insist to do that! they develop their judge and consider ability by such way. actually, your daughter doesn’t have any pretend actions, she is just an adolescent, at this period, any actions of over-protecting and strict discipline from parents will be an obstacle on the development of the child. what they just needfreedom to do what they like to do.
d: i just want such a chance to experience life by myself and decide i will do in the future. may be i will be fail, but without this trying, i will be regret for a life time.
e: i have to admit julie want to be more independent is a good thing . but do you know what is your goal at present? and what you will do to pursue your dream?d: i haven’t decided yet.
e: if you have set a goal and want to pursue it, it’s acceptable. but the problem is that you don’t know what’s your really want. so, you should set a goal first.篇二：英文脱口秀台词 篇三：英语口语短句脱口秀365句
英语口语短句脱口秀365句
“口语要素”是李阳疯狂英语突破法的一个重要概念，特别地道，含含糊糊，一闪而过，听起来想一个单词一样的口语单位！李阳crazy要求学员必须首先掌握一定数量的口语要素，打好坚实的口语、听力基础，增强交流信心，达成说一句顶十句的疯狂境界和自信。下面为大家提供口语要素365例精选。最好的验证是否掌握的方法是看着汉语脱口而出英文，或由别人说汉语，你立刻翻译成英文！不要只是反复地、机械地、大脑几乎麻木地读！一定要把这些句子变成你的拿手好戏，随时随地脱口而出，并经常用来自言自语以保持口腔肌肉高度灵活！
这些短句配有音频，里面的人用不同语速念同一个句子。有的地方发音较缓慢，较夸张，多听这些音频对提高语音很有帮助。
仔细听这些音频，注意单词的弱读 连读 和省读。
大声背诵，脱口而出。
? 每次听力课前要熟练背诵40个短句。
? 看到中文句子后，
? 若有3个或3个以上短句不能限时正确脱口而出，扣分1分。
? 若5个短句全部限时正确脱口而出，加0.5分。
建议与同桌/室友合作，一人说汉语，另一人则将对应的英语表达脱口而出。
1. absolutely. (用于答话）当然是;正是如此
2.absolutely impossible! 绝对不可能！
3.all i have to do is learn english. 我所要做的就是学英语。
4.are you free tomorrow? 你明天有空吗?
5.are you married? 你结婚了吗？
6.are you used to the food here? 你习惯吃这儿的饭菜吗？
7.be careful. 小心／注意。
8.be my guest. 请便／别客气。
9.better late than never. 迟到总比不到好。
10.better luck next time. 祝你下一次好运。
11.better safe than sorry. 小心不要出大错。
12.can i have a day off? 我能请一天假吗？
13.can i help? 要我帮忙吗？
14.can i take a message? 要我传话吗？
15.can i take a rain check? 你能改天再请我吗？
16.can i take your order? 您要点菜吗？
17.can you give me a wake-up call? 你能打电话叫醒我吗？
18.can you give me some feedback? 你能给我一些反馈吗？
19.can you make it？ 你能来吗？
20.can i have a word with you? 我能跟你谈一谈吗？
21.catch me later. 过会儿再来找我。
22.cheer up! 高兴起来！振作起来！
24.could i have the bill, please? 请把账单给我好吗？
25.could you drop me off at the airport? 你能载我到飞机场吗？
26.could you speak slower? 你能说得慢一点吗？
27.could you take a picture for me? 你能帮我拍照吗？
28.did you enjoy your flight? 你的飞行旅途愉快吗？
29.did you have a good day today? 你今天过得好吗?
30.did you have a nice holiday? 你假期过得愉快吗？
31.did you have fun？ 你玩得开心吗？
32.dinner is on me. 晚饭我请客。
33.do you have a room available? 你们有空房间吗？
34.do you have any hobbies? 你有什么爱好？
35.do you have some change? 你有零钱吗？
36. do you mind my smoking? 你介意我抽烟吗？
37.do you often work out？ 你经常锻炼身体吗？
38.do you speak english? 你会说英语吗？
39.dont be so modest. 别这么谦虚。
40.dont bother. 不用麻烦了。
41.dont get me wrong. 别误会我。
42.dont give up. 别放弃。
43.dont jump to conclusions. 不要急于下结论。
44.dont let me down. 别让我失望。
45.dont make any mistakes. 别出差错。
46.dont mention it. 不必客气。
47.dont miss the boat. 不要坐失良机。
48.dont take any chances. 不要心存侥幸。
49.dont take it for granted. 不要想当然。
50.dont worry about it. 别担心。
52.enjoy your meal. 请慢慢享用吧。
53.easier said than done. 说时容易做时难。
55.for here or to go? 在这儿吃还是带走？
56.forget it. 算了吧。
57.forgive me. 请原谅我。
58.give me a call. 给我打电话。
59.give my best to your family. 代我向你们全家问好。
60.have him return my call. 让他给我回电话。
61.have you ever been to japan? 你去过日本吗？
62.have you finished yet? 你做完了吗？
63.have you got anything larger? 有大一点儿的吗？
64.have you got that? 你明白我的意思吗？
65.have you heard from mary? 你收到玛丽的来信吗？
66.he is in conference. 他正在开会。
67.help yourself, please. 请随便吃。
68.hold your horses. 不要着急 耐心点儿。
69.how can i get in touch with you? 我怎样能跟你联络上？
70.how do i look? 我看上去怎么样？
71.how is it going? 情况怎么样？
72.how late are you open? 你们营业到几点？
73.how long did it last? 持续了多久？
74.how long will it take me to get there? 到那儿要多长时间？
75.how much is it? 多少钱？
76.how often do you eat out? 你隔多久在外面吃一次饭？
77.i apologize. 我很抱歉。
78.i appreciate your invitation. 感谢你的邀请。
79.i assure you. 我向你保证。
80.i bet you can. 我确信你能做到。
81.i can manage. 我自己可以应付。
82.i cant afford it. 我买不起。
83.i cant believe it. 我简直不敢相信。
84.i cant resist the temptation. 我不能抵挡诱惑。
85.i cant stand it. 我受不了。
86.i cant tell. 我说不准。
87.i couldnt agree more. 我完全同意。
88.i couldnt get through. 我打不通电话。
89.i couldnt help it. 我没有办法。
90.i didnt mean to. 我不是故意的。
91.i dont know for sure. 我不能肯定。
93.i enjoyed it very much. 我非常喜欢。
94.i envy you. 我羡慕你。
95.i feel like having some dumplings. 我很想吃饺子。
96.i feel terrible about it. 太对不起了。
97.i feel the same way. 我也有同感。
99.i have nothing to do with it. 那与我无关。
100.i havent the slightest idea. 我一点儿都不知道。
101.i hope youll forgive me. 我希望你能原谅我。
102.i know the feeling. 我知道那种感觉。
103.i mean what i say. 我说话算数。
104.i owe you one. 我欠你一个人情。
105.i really regret it. 我真的非常后悔。
106.i suppose so. 我想是这样。
107.i thought so, too. 我也这样以为。
109.i want to report a theft. 我要报一宗盗窃案。
110.i want to reserve a room. 我想预定一个房间。
111.i was just about to call you. 我正准备打电话给你。
112.i was moved.= i was touched. 我很受感动。
113.i wasnt aware of that. 我没有意识到。
114.i wasnt born yesterday. 我又不是三岁小孩。
115.i wish i could. 但愿我能。
116.i wouldnt worry about it, if i were you. 如果我是你，我就不会担心。like a refund. 我想要退款。
118.id like to deposit some money. 我想存点儿钱。
119.id like to make a reservation. 我想订票。
120.ill be right with you. 我马上就来。
121.ill check it. 我去查一下。
122.ill do my best. 我将会尽我最大努力。
123.ill get it. 我去接电话。
124.ill give you a hand. 我来帮助你。
125.ill have to see about that. 这事儿我得想一想再定。
126.ill keep my eyes open. 我会留意的。
127.ill keep that in mind. 我会记住的。
128.ill pick up the tab. 我来付帐。
129.ill play it by ear. 我将随机应变。
130.ill see what i can do. 我会想想该怎么帮你的。
131.ill show you. 我指给你看。
132.ill take care of it. 我来办这件事。
133.ill take it. 我要了。
134.ill take your advice. 我接受你的忠告。
135.ill think it over. 我仔细考虑一下。
136.ill treat you to diner. 我想请你吃晚饭。
137.ill walk you to the door. 我送你到门口。
138.im broke. 我身无分文。
139.im crazy about english. 我非常喜欢英语。
140.im easy to please. 我很随和。
141.im glad to hear that. 听到这消息我很高兴。
142.im glad you enjoyed it. 你喜欢我就高兴。
143.im good at it. 我做这个很在行。
144.im in a good mood. 我现在心情很好。
145.im in good shape. 我的身体状况很好。 117.id
篇二：英语脱口秀剧本
Talk show script
Host: HExpert: E Parties 1: M(mother) Parties2: D(daughter) H: welcome to our Communication program, I’m the hostess lily. Today we have the psychologist Mr. Vernon! Welcome!(applause) Our heroine today is a 46-years-old lady, she has an obedient daughter, but recently her daughter has done something made her very angry and worried . What happened? Please look the VCR . H:now please welcome the mother Miss Li.
M:hello, everyone! My name is Li xx.(have a seat, please!)Thank you!
H:so, your daughter is a junior college student, right?
M: yeah, 20-years-old, she failed in the college entrance examination, did not get her ideal university, just eolled by qiushi college in Guiyang. She studies very hard after getting into college, wanting to pass the TOP-UP examination. But several days ago, she told me she want to give it up and , what’s worse, she rent a room outside the school with her friends without informing me!(angry) I can’t get through her now, I’m very worried. I want to know why she changed her mind suddenly?
H:did your daughter studied very hard and have a higher mark before?
M:yeah, she loves study since she was a child, she study harder than any else of her classmates.
H:does she like to do so or being force to study?
M:she developed this habit since she was a child.
H:you mean study hard is her real mind?(yeah)and she changed her mind suddenly?(yeah) did she mentioned she want to give up the exam before?
M:yes, of course. She told me she wanted to get more qualifications in the future. But I don’t know why! She just told it suddenly! I can’t understand!
H:more details?
M:she told me she wanted to buy some skirt and cosmetics and become more beautiful, I don’t agree that. I think my daughter is a student and she should dress more conservative. We quarreled and she didn’t greet me next day!
H:did she make up before?
M;Never. She never made up at home.
H:OK, what happened on the daughter and made her have so much attitude change towards the TOP-UP exam? we’d better ask the daughter herself. Please look the VCR.
H: Now Let’s welcome julie!
D: Hello, everyone! (have a seat, please.) Thank you!
H: you haven’t called your mother for a long time, right? (yeah) do you know your mom worried about you a lot?
D: I’m...I’m sorry.
M: I’m so disappointed. You don’t go to school, you wear heavy make-up......
H: (to m) I want to explain that lily looks nature and without make-up in order to see you. (to d) Did you mean to consider about your mom by doing that?
D: Yes, I dare not wear high heel shoes, dare not have heavy make-up. This is what I look like when I stay with my mom.
H: But why didn’t you tell your mother you have moved to your rented house?
D: I’ve told my mom before that I want to be more independent and try to live outside, but she opposed. She will call me whenever she want and come to my school to see if I was stay at school. So, If I want my mother agree me to live outside school, that’s impossible. I have to go out secretly.
M: as a student, you don’t stay at school instead of live outside, do you think it’s reasonable? (angry)
D: you have never thought about my feelings, every time I bought by clothes, you will say that don’t suit me and ask me don’t wear that clothes. When all my peers have the rights to decide what
they want to wear and buy it themselves, I have to buy my clothes with my mother’s company. I cannot stand it any longer! Living outside, I can decide these by myself.
H: we have heard that you did some part time job after school? D: yes, I want learn more, I don’t like my major, my mom choose it for me.
M: I’m for your good, you know. We have the ability to give you what you want to, you just need to tell me. And study hard, I don’t want you to do the job has any relationship with your major. E: so, Miss Li. Your daughter just wants to be more independent, this is a good thing. Am I right? May be her mother think that she is just a 20-years-old student, but I think lily is a 20-years-old girl, she should have a colorful and wonderful life experience instead of live as the her mother want her to live, that will give lily much pressure, maybe she want relax herself by living outside and make decision by herself. Am I right? Lily?
M: but she never told me she don’t want to do so.(委屈） E: that is because you give her so much pressure.
M: but I don’t think I have given her any pressure, she was doing what she wanted to do! She needn’t to pretend to be so for 20 years!
E: I think your daughter tried to express herself, but her idea was opposed again and again. At last, she is not willing to try any more. For example, she bought a simple cloth, but when she came back home, you don’t agree with her taste and want her to wear what you like. What’s the biggest feature of an adolescent? Rebellion. You ask them to do this, they insist to do that! They develop their judge and consider ability by such way. Actually, your daughter doesn’t have any pretend actions, she is just an adolescent, at this period, any actions of over-protecting and strict discipline from parents will be an obstacle on the development of the child. What they just needfreedom to do what they like to do.
D: I just want such a chance to experience life by myself and decide I will do in the future. May be I will be fail, but without this trying, I will be regret for a life time.
E: I have to admit julie want to be more independent is a good thing . But do you know what is your goal at present? And what you will do to pursue your dream?
D: I haven’t decided yet.
E: if you have set a goal and want to pursue it, it’s acceptable. But the problem is that you don’t know what’s your really want. So, you should set a goal first.
篇三：英文脱口秀(美国笑话)
"The Obamas have a new White House dog. It is a Portuguese water dog named Bo. Bo arrived just in time, because Sasha and Malia were getting tired of throwing Frisbees at Joe Biden." --Jimmy Fallon
“奥巴马一家有了一只新的白宫第一狗，是一只葡萄牙水犬，名字叫波。波的到来非常及时，因为萨沙和玛利亚都对朝乔·拜登扔飞盘感到腻歪了。”——吉米·法伦
"How about that Obama dog? They got a new dog. Yeah, a little
Portuguese water dog. And the dog, as you would expect, is not house broken yet. In fact, earlier today, he left a bigger mess in the Oval Office than Bush did." --David Letterman
“奥巴马的狗怎么样?他们有了一只新狗，对，一只小的葡萄牙水犬。这只狗呢，正如你们期望的那样，还没有被训练好。事实上，今天的早些时候，它在椭圆办公室留下的一坨屎比布什留下的大多了。”——大卫·莱特曼
"Barack Obama's daughters are very smart. They told him they will take the same responsibility for the dog that he is taking for the economy. That way, if the dog leaves a mess in the White House, it'll be cleaned up by future generations." --Jay Leno
“巴拉克·奥巴马的女儿们非常聪明，她们告诉他说她们愿意像他对经济负责一样对小狗负责。这也就是说，如果这只狗在白宫拉便便，我们要等未来几代人来清理干净。”
"Actually, this has become a first family tradition. All the first families have had a dog. The Obamas have Bo, that's the name of the dog. The Bushes had Barney. The Clintons, of course, had Bill ." --Jay Leno“事实上，这已经变成了第一家庭的传统。所有的第一家庭都有只狗。奥巴马家有了波，这是这只狗的名字。布什家有巴尼。克林顿家么，当然，有比尔。”"And you know they have Bo wearing one of those electronic collars. If he strays beyond the perimeter of the White House grounds he gets a little buzz. That's to make sure he doesn't -- no, wait a minute, that's Joe Biden." --David Letterman
“大家都知道他们让波戴上了电子狗链。如果它走出白宫周围它就会有点麻。用这个来确保他不会——不对，等一下，那是乔·拜登。”——大卫·莱特曼"This Wednesday, April 15th, taxes are due, but people who work for President Obama are busy doing their taxes for 1998, '99, 2000." --Jay Leno
“这个星期三，4月15日，是交税的日子，但是为奥巴马总统工作的人都在忙着做他们98年、99年和2000年的税。”——杰·雷诺
"Some Americans did a very dumb thing today. They had tea party protests. They've been mailing tea bags to Congress to I guess express their dissatisfaction with taxes and government spending because nothing shakes a politician up like a complimentary bag of tea. 'Hey if you don't straighten up next year, crumpets, buddy.'" --Jimmy Kimmel
“一些美国人今天做了一件非常愚蠢的事情。他们举行了“茶党”抗议，一直在往国会寄茶包，我猜他们是想表达他们对税收和政府开支的不满，因为(转自：wWw.XiAocAoFanWeN.cOm 小 草 范文网:英语搞笑脱口秀)没有什么能比一个赠送的茶包更能动摇一个政客了：‘嘿，伙计，要是你们明年再不改，我们就寄煎饼。’”——吉米·卡莫
"And a lot of protests today. Thousands of people had these tea parties, during which they protested higher taxes. But here in LA, it was called the Green Herbal Double Decaf Tea Party." --Jay Leno
“今天有很多起抗议。数千人都召集了各自的茶党来抗议高税收。但是在洛杉矶这里，茶党被叫做双份浓缩绿茶党。”——杰·雷诺
"This is like the Boston tea party for people that decided, let's say, I don't know, two and a half months ago, that they didn't want to pay taxes anymore. The tea part is just a metaphor [on screen: a Fox News reporter pointing to boxes at one of the tea parties containing a million tea bags]. Let me get this straight. To protest wasteful spending, you bought a million tea bags. Are you protesting taxes or irony?" --Jon Stewart, on the tea party protests (Watch video clip)
“对于那些早在??我不知道，也许两个半月前就决定的人们来说，这就像当年的波士顿茶党不想再交税一样。茶包这个部分只是一个暗喻。【屏幕上， 福克斯新闻的一个记者指出，一处茶党抗议需要一百万个茶包。】咱们直说了吧，你们要抗议浪费性开支，然后你们买了一百万个茶包。你们是想抗议税收啊还是在 玩黑色幽默啊?”——乔·斯图尔特
"This pirates stuff is unbelievable, but the Obama administration is getting high marks for the way they handled the rescue situation this weekend, or the military did. But with all the problems we have right now, who would have guessed that on top of everything else our new president would have to deal with pirates? What's next? A dragon? Ghosts?" --Jimmy Kimmel
“海盗的猖獗是让人难以置信的，但是奥巴马政府正被高度赞许，因为周六他们处理营救事宜的事情，要么就是因为军队的表现。但是我们现在面临这么多
麻烦，谁能猜到我们的新总统在所有问题中不得不先处理的是海盗呢?下一个问题会是什么?一条龙?小鬼儿?”——吉米·卡莫
"And as you know, that captain of the merchant ship that was held captive by three Somali pirates was rescued when the pirates were shot and killed by a group of Navy Seals. President Obama authorized the military to use any force necessary to accomplish this. And today, the CEOs of Ford, Chrysler and GM said, 'We'll build any car you want.'" --Jay Leno
“就像你们知道的的那样，被三个索马里海盗抓住的商船船长获救了，海盗们被一队海军击毙。奥巴马总统授权给军队为达成这一目标可以使用任何必要的武力。然后今天，福特、克莱斯勒和通用的CEO们说，‘我们能造出任何你想要的车。’”——杰·雷诺
"President Obama should get a big refund this year because he has a lot of dependents. AIG, Citibank, Morgan Stanley -- all dependents." --Jay Leno
“奥巴马总统今年应该能拿到很多退税，因为他要养活的太多。AIG，花旗、摩根士丹利——都得他养活。”——杰·雷诺(小编注：美国有退税的政策，一般来说家里孩子多拿到的退税也多。)
"President Barack Obama got quite a reception when he was in Europe last week. Did you see while he was visiting Germany, the crowd started chanting, 'Yes, we can! Yes, we can!' Pretty amazing, a bunch of Germans chanting, 'Yes, we can.' That has got to make the French a little nervous, huh?" --Jay Leno
“奥巴马总统上周在欧洲非常受礼遇。你们看没看见他出访德国的时候，人们开始呼喊，‘我们做得到!我们做得到!’让人非常惊讶，一群德国人在叫喊‘我们做得到!’这肯定会让法国人有点紧张哈。”——杰·雷诺
"The Obamas have a new White House dog. It is a Portuguese water dog named Bo. Bo arrived just in time, because Sasha and Malia were getting tired of throwing Frisbees at Joe Biden." --Jimmy Fallon
“奥巴马一家有了一只新的白宫第一狗，是一只葡萄牙水犬，名字叫波。波的到来非常及时，因为萨沙和玛利亚都对朝乔·拜登扔飞盘感到腻歪了。”——吉米·法伦
"How about that Obama dog? They got a new dog. Yeah, a little
Portuguese water dog. And the dog, as you would expect, is not house broken yet. In fact, earlier today, he left a bigger mess in the Oval Office than Bush did." --David Letterman
“奥巴马的狗怎么样?他们有了一只新狗，对，一只小的葡萄牙水犬。这只狗呢，正如你们期望的那样，还没有被训练好。事实上，今天的早些时候，它在椭圆办公室留下的一坨屎比布什留下的大多了。”——大卫·莱特曼
"Barack Obama's daughters are very smart. They told him they will take the same responsibility for the dog that he is taking for the economy. That way, if the dog leaves a mess in the White House, it'll be cleaned up by future generations." --Jay Leno
“巴拉克·奥巴马的女儿们非常聪明，她们告诉他说她们愿意像他对经济负责一样对小狗负责。这也就是说，如果这只狗在白宫拉便便，我们要等未来几代人来清理干净。”
"Actually, this has become a first family tradition. All the first families have had a dog. The Obamas have Bo, that's the name of the dog. The Bushes had Barney. The Clintons, of course, had Bill ." --Jay Leno“事实上，这已经变成了第一家庭的传统。所有的第一家庭都有只狗。奥巴马家有了波，这是这只狗的名字。布什家有巴尼。克林顿家么，当然，有比尔。”"And you know they have Bo wearing one of those electronic collars. If he strays beyond the perimeter of the White House grounds he gets a little buzz. That's to make sure he doesn't -- no, wait a minute, that's Joe Biden." --David Letterman
“大家都知道他们让波戴上了电子狗链。如果它走出白宫周围它就会有点麻。用这个来确保他不会——不对，等一下，那是乔·拜登。”——大卫·莱特曼"This Wednesday, April 15th, taxes are due, but people who work for President Obama are busy doing their taxes for 1998, '99, 2000." --Jay Leno
“这个星期三，4月15日，是交税的日子，但是为奥巴马总统工作的人都在忙着做他们98年、99年和2000年的税。”——杰·雷诺
"Some Americans did a very dumb thing today. They had tea party protests. They've been mailing tea bags to Congress to I guess express their dissatisfaction with taxes and government spending because nothing shakes a politician up like a complimentary bag of tea. 'Hey if you don't straighten up next year, crumpets, buddy.'" --Jimmy Kimmel
“一些美国人今天做了一件非常愚蠢的事情。他们举行了“茶党”抗议，一直在往国会寄茶包，我猜他们是想表达他们对税收和政府开支的不满，因为没有什么能比一个赠送的茶包更能动摇一个政客了：‘嘿，伙计，要是你们明年再不改，我们就寄煎饼。’”——吉米·卡莫
"And a lot of protests today. Thousands of people had these tea parties, during which they protested higher taxes. But here in LA, it was called the Green Herbal Double Decaf Tea Party." --Jay Leno
“今天有很多起抗议。数千人都召集了各自的茶党来抗议高税收。但是在洛杉矶这里，茶党被叫做双份浓缩绿茶党。”——杰·雷诺
"This is like the Boston tea party for people that decided, let's say, I don't know, two and a half months ago, that they didn't want to pay taxes anymore. The tea part is just a metaphor [on screen: a Fox News reporter pointing to boxes at one of the tea parties containing a million tea bags]. Let me get this straight. To protest wasteful spending, you bought a million tea bags. Are you protesting taxes or irony?" --Jon Stewart, on the tea party protests (Watch video clip)
“对于那些早在??我不知道，也许两个半月前就决定的人们来说，这就像当年的波士顿茶党不想再交税一样。茶包这个部分只是一个暗喻。【屏幕上， 福克斯新闻的一个记者指出，一处茶党抗议需要一百万个茶包。】咱们直说了吧，你们要抗议浪费性开支，然后你们买了一百万个茶包。你们是想抗议税收啊还是在 玩黑色幽默啊?”——乔·斯图尔特
"This pirates stuff is unbelievable, but the Obama administration is getting high marks for the way they handled the rescue situation this weekend, or the military did. But with all the problems we have right now, who would have guessed that on top of everything else our new president would have to deal with pirates? What's next? A dragon? Ghosts?" --Jimmy Kimmel
“海盗的猖獗是让人难以置信的，但是奥巴马政府正被高度赞许，因为周六他们处理营救事宜的事情，要么就是因为军队的表现。但是我们现在面临这么多麻烦，谁能猜到我们的新总统在所有问题中不得不先处理的是海盗呢?下一个问题会是什么?一条龙?小鬼儿?”——吉米·卡莫
"And as you know, that captain of the merchant ship that was held captive by three Somali pirates was rescued when the pirates were shot and killed by a group of Navy Seals. President Obama authorized the military to use any force necessary to accomplish this. And today, the CEOs of Ford, Chrysler and GM said, 'We'll build any car you want.'" --Jay Leno
“就像你们知道的的那样，被三个索马里海盗抓住的商船船长获救了，海盗们被一队海军击毙。奥巴马总统授权给军队为达成这一目标可以使用任何必要的武力。然后今天，福特、克莱斯勒和通用的CEO们说，‘我们能造出任何你想要的车。’”——杰·雷诺